..and along came a spider by meeks
September 18, 2009, 11:53 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Upon second entry into my rustic lodge suite. I am greeted by a fist sized spider perched on the side of the wall rubbing its front legs together idly yet mischievously. It was mostly back but appeared to have horizontal stripes of Grey down it legs to break up the monochrome, its eyes seemed to glow. The creature was undeniably sinister looking. Honestly, its details are somewhat fuzzy; I did not want to get too close and have probably in retrospect muddled objective fact with emotion.

* I did not look at the attached photo until after writing this entry*

My first response after sizing up my first visitor was a humane one: How can I remove this creature without hurting it? After all, we have a common foe, the mosquito. I turn around and start rummaging through my bags in search of something that I can use to shoo the spider out of the room while still maintaining a safe distance from the creature. After a few moments I swing around feeling the proverbial shadow of the creature bearing down on me. Something visceral, deeper than my intellect, was telling me that I could not be around this creature, that I must regard it more carefully, that it must die. So I pull out the aerosol bug spray can (a last minute addition to my suitcase) and prepare for battle.

I aim the nozzle at the spider and it does not move, so far so good. Fire! The spider leaps into action bouncing down the wall in long drawn out hops like an astronaut bounding across the surface of the moon. At first I assumed the spider to be swinging from the nascent beginnings of a web he had begun to weave; but still after titling my head to a number of different angle, my eyes could not catch the familiar glint of light reflecting off webbing. To my growing alarm, I realized no such web exists. This spider has ups. I tightened my grip of my can of poison and lost all efforts at conserving the spray. I pressed down on the nozzle firmly. The spider retreated away from my onslaught to the bathroom. I did not release the pressing of my finger until the spider’s frenetic panic subsided; muscle movement became spastic, and uncoordinated: signs of overwhelming neurotoxicity. When it finally stopped moving I started to move away, but like a bad horror movie villain the spider rose lunging towards me, its movements grotesque and a little sad. I decided to put the creature out of its misery squashing it with the nearest blunt object around, the toilet bowl cleaner. After enough time had elapsed that I was absolutely, positively, super duper super the spider was dead, I wrapped it in toilet paper and disposed of it in the wastepaper basket not wanting its carcass to linger to close too my dainty feet whenever I would have to use the toilet. Having disposed of my first visitor, I returned to my solitary existence in a strange place where I knew no one. I opted to read about Barack Obama.

  • Note for Posterity – The lack of human visitors to my house has been balanced out by the abundance of other types of visitors. Over my first two weeks, I have already repeated with varying degrees of mortality the spider ordeal with: a gecko, bat, mouse, gigantic beetle, and gigantic grasshopper type thing. I look forward over the course of the year to a visitor from at least every phylum in the animal kingdom.

  • Second Note for Posterity – I learned kerosene is much more effective at killing larger pests. Their skin absorbs that poisons more efficiently due to uh…chemistry or something along those lines.


4 Comments so far
Leave a comment

And you want Mor to come visit – yeah right?

Wonderful written!

Comment by Your Sister

I loved reading this story. However, as the night wore on,this spider morphed into a creature named Freddy and I have come to realize that I may not be able to come visit you. Fred has relatives, you know……

Comment by Your mor

some heavy duty shit coming out of such a simple place. really enjoyed ready your blog. keep it, up in a manner of speaking. see u at the potato restaurant upon your return with dan quall.

Comment by brian jose


Enjoyed so much your writing! Don’t harm any more visitors…maybe one of them can be a closer for the Phillies!


Comment by Joe K.

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